Neil's Mind

Fuck You, Twilight

2011-11-18T17:49:00.001-08:00

First off, I will admit I will never understand why people like the Twilight series. Also, it is only on my mind because I had to work till 2:20am last night because of it. Anyway, here are some reasons why I will never understand the fan base for it.

Bella spends the whole series being obsessed with some guy who is frankly bad for her, and we are talking unhealthy levels of obsessed. We are talking the kind of obsessed where if I had a close friend acting like she does I would probably try to get her professional help. Then, on top of that, she manipulates and leads on another man who she obviously isn’t going to get with because she is god damn obsessed with someone else. Who the fuck is that much of a bitch that she will lead a guy on like that?

However, more importantly, the entire series is teaching young girls to think that the kind of relationship Bella has with this dead man is desirable. They have a terrible fucking relationship! She literally submits to him on fucking everything all the way up until she is pregnant with his undead fetus that is a serious danger to her life. However, when he is basically telling her to abort the baby to save her life she stands up to him. That’s right ladies, you should always submit to a man unless he is telling you to get an abortion to save your life.

Seriously? What the fuck.

Nothing There (written 7/29)

2011-09-04T03:28:00.000-07:00

I am in a place unlike any I have been in before. I don't like it. It is a terrible place that feels like it is changing me. I liked myself too. It is weird to think that something that can happen in an instant can change so profoundly how one functions on a day to day basis.

I have sometimes believed that I tend to be too trusting rather than not trusting enough. Perhaps this stems from my intense value placed in honesty. Since I strive to be honest at all times I tend to assume others do as well. This opinion can be changed for a person of course, should they be someone I find lying frequently or something.

Point is, this level of trust I tend to give people who might not deserve it generally doesn't blow up in my face. However, it takes a pretty amazing amount of trust to give someone your heart. I mean really give it to them. I fear I may not find myself able to trust people like I once did, at least not so easily.

Hey There

2011-07-24T17:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry to anyone who actually follows this stuff at all thinking, "man why hasn't he been posting anymore?"

I haven't done album reviews in quite a while and I know it. I have written a few posts, but nothing I felt I should or could post at the time.

I know I have said I will try to post more often a million times, but I am going to try and post more often.

2010? Thoughts

2011-01-02T01:22:00.000-08:00

It was a pretty decent year. I didn’t update this as much as I should have, but I can live with that. What I cannot so easily live with is my lack of doing these album reviews. I started off strong but I have been unable to do much these days. Hell, I work at a movie theater and haven’t seen a movie in about a month, maybe a little longer now actually...

Anyway, my only real New Years Resolution this year is to increase my cash flow. There are of course, various ways to do that. Fact is right now my free-time : Money earned ratio is just not high enough.

Other than that, perhaps I should commit to trying to do write here a bit more, album review or not.

Well, that is about it for now, hope you all had nice holidays.

Being Busy

2010-10-15T23:54:00.001-07:00

Hello anyone that actually reads this. Sorry I didn’t post anything for the entirety of September. I’ve just been, well busy. Between work and school I really don’t find myself having all the free time I would like.

Don’t really have anything important to say, but if you are hoping for more album reviews I will eventually get back to them I promise. Since Audio I’ve listened to 2 Eps, which I of course don’t’ review if you remember that big post about this project from months ago.

As busy as I am, life is nice these days for me. I hope they are good for you as well.

ALBUM REVIEW: Audio - Blue Man Group

2010-08-19T23:09:00.000-07:00

Album: Audio
Artist: Blue Man Group
Year: 1999
Genre : Experimental Pop/Rock

Favorite Track: Rods and Cones

What makes this album interesting is knowing that the instruments used to produce the music are very unconventional. Like a network of PVC piping and fiberglass rods. Some of the songs really star a specific instrument out of the 14 that the group made and use for Audio.

The aptly named “PVC IV” track spotlights the instrument made of PVC piping. This actually turns out to be one of the best tracks on the album. It is a song that continues to build on itself into a very cool climax. The song “Utne Wire Man” has a great success with the sound of a swinging stick, that is recognizable and in the context of music quite alien.

Unfortunately there are some big flops on the album. “Synaesthetic” is a song that starts out sounding pretty cool. The problem is, it seems to be about a minute and a half of song that just repeats for 5 minutes. “Mandelgroove” is another track that seems to suffer from this problem.

There are some very good songs though. The opening track “TV Song” along with “Rods and Cones” are two stand out tracks, both containing great energy and flow throughout. Not to mention the final song “Endless Column” wraps up the album very nicely.

Where the album seems to suffer is in the overall composition. The music is not bad, but many of the songs seem to follow a rising and falling pattern with different melodies, in one case they actually repeat a melody in two separate songs. Even though the music was composed for the album and not for performances, many still have that accompanying feel to them.

Rating: 3.5 of 5

Time

2010-07-10T03:01:00.001-07:00

It is annoying how hindsight will make a few months seem like a long time when the present is always moving so fast that the next few will be too short.

ALBUM REVIEW: As Falls Wichita, So Falls Wichita Falls - Pat Metheny & Lyle Mays

2010-07-02T14:14:00.000-07:00

Album: As Falls Wichita, So Falls Wichita Falls
Artist: Pat Metheny & Lyle Mays
Year: 1980
Genre : Crossover Jazz

Favorite Track: It’s For You

It is hard to pin a genre on this music. The joint effort by Metheny and Mays plays out very nicely into a union of jazz and prog-rock. Though, as an album it leans towards the jazz.

The title track moves you through 21 minutes of what seems to be a jam session. Luckily it does not get boring or feeling masturbatory. The biggest highlight for me is the build and climax around minute 13. Unfortunately there are a few transitions that don’t do so well. The major offender for me being around 14:30 where there is a flat out change in tempo, mood and sound, leaving me wondering why this is part of the same track and not a completely separated song.

The third track “September Fifteenth” is a very nice duet between the artists. This song is a remembrance for Bill Evans, a jazz pianist who died during the recording of this album. In it Metheny and Mays really show their knowledge of how to craft a moving piece.

“It’s For You” ends up being my pick for favorite track however. Perhaps I’m just a sucker for a nice bass line, but this song delivers it. Its got energy and leaves one with an overall happy feeling.

Unfortunately they don’t end the album on that high note. They end it with a 3 minute track of nice piano and not so nice, non-lyrical singing. The album is worth listening to, but is not great.

Rating: 4 of 5

Surprise

2010-06-19T14:02:00.001-07:00

It is always astonishing to find something in the last place you would think to look. Like when you put down your keys somewhere unusual. You check all the usual spots, then you check all the possible spots like under that scarf someone left on the counter, but it always ends up in an obvious spot.

This has been a wonderful week, full of food and good company. All leading up to the Summer Solstice, the eve of which is tomorrow. The first half of summer was full of fun, and this second half is looking like it will be full of joy. Life works out in surprising and wonderful ways sometimes.

ALBUM REVIEW: Animal Magic - Bonobo

2010-06-09T16:29:00.001-07:00

Album: Animal Magic
Artist: Bonobo
Year: 2001
Genre : Electronic / Downbeat

Favorite Track: The Plug

This album is not amazing, but it is a pretty solid debut. Though the intro track, named “intro” quite aptly, seems a bit too long. Perhaps I am just one who prefers a song at the start rather than some words with a 6 second beat looping. Once the on the album gets going however, it is very easy listening and maintains a very nice feeling throughout.

The tracks “Dinosaurs” and “Shadowtricks” seem to make the biggest departs from the rest of the album. Though, “Dinosaurs” is much more successful with a sound very similar to that of Amon Tobin (who is unsurprisingly under the same label). “Shadowtricks” on the other hand just feels a bit too slow and moody.

The sitar makes an appearance in a few of the tracks, the most beautiful example being “Terrapin” with its soothing melody. “Sugar Rhyme” is another stand out track, though featuring the sitar much less, because of its almost hip-hop beat blending just right with the vocal samples.

“The Plug” wins out for my pick of the album. It is a relaxing track with just enough complexity to stay interesting instead of just turning into background sound. Complexity is what the album as a whole lacks though. It is very easy listening, wonderful background music for a relaxed party, but overall it is just good not great.

Rating: 4 of 5

ALBUM REVIEW: Andorra - Caribou

2010-05-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

Album: Andorra
Artist: Caribou
Year: 2007
Genre : Electronic / Indie Electronic

Favorite Track: She’s the One

This album opens up with a tremendous amount of energy. This opening track “Melody Day” really sets a tone that is, though not entirely new for the artist, much more natural sounding than much of his earlier works. The whole album seems to stick together much more that previous ones as well, rather than being a collection of tracks with various sounds, it is an album of songs that seem to have some real connection between them.

By the fourth song “She’s the One” it is obvious that this album is a small piece of musical gold. Though I am not a huge fan of Caribou’s singing style, I cannot deny that it just works with what he has created. I single out this song in particular because, even though it is one of the slower and seemingly less powerful tracks it meshes together every sound to what I might consider perfection.

Unfortunately this track is followed by “Desiree” which I feel the weakest song on the album. In comparison to all the others this one seems too lackluster. Perhaps it is the focus on the vocals, which are definitely one of the largest players in this track. The album immediately picks back up afterwards, and even as the weakest song it is not bad.

All in all, this album is just about as close to perfection as anything gets.

Rating: 5 of 5

Out of Shape

2010-04-24T01:47:00.001-07:00

I am out of shape. I remember a good 6-7 years ago when I would play Dance Dance Revolution all the damn time. I was in great shape back then. I remember that when I started playing it I weighed around 175 pounds. I dropped down about 20-25 pounds from just playing that game a lot, and my stamina was much greater as well. I really need to start jogging or something. Perhaps I will start doing that soon, not sure when but soon...

Tonight I did some push-ups and crunches and stuff though. It was much harder then it should have been, and I shall make it easier again.

ALBUM REVIEW: Ambivalence Avenue - Bibio

2010-04-21T14:31:00.001-07:00

Album: Ambivalence Avenue
Artist: Bibio
Year: 2009
Genre : Electronic / Indie Electronic

Favorite Track: Fire Ant

In 2009, Bibio released three LP albums. Ambivalence Avenue being the middle child of the year, but the first release on under the Warp label for the artist. What is surprising about this album is that, despite it feeling like an experiment with sounds, it is wonderful.

Haven’t only heard Bibio’s first album, Fi, before this one I was at first taken back by how vastly different the sound was. There are three tracks, “All the Flowers” “Abrasion” and “The Palm of Your Wave”, that seem to call back to what I knew of the artist, the biggest difference being the presence of vocals.

The opening track “Ambivalence Avenue” carries with an almost pop feel, only to be followed by “Jealous of Roses” which almost seems to be a funk song. There are quite a few songs that have a hip-hop feel to them as well.

“Fire Ant” being the first one on the album, is my pick of the album which surprises myself. The song starts with distorted voices, no beat or anything, but as the track goes on and layers of instruments and beats are added, it transforms into what I think is one of the coolest sounds of modern music.

The weakest song on the album is “S’Vive” which just doesn’t seem to know quite what it wants to do. Which is funny considering the album when looked at as a whole, should suffer from the same problem. However, when the final track “Dwrcan” leads you through its dark and heavy rhythms to the airy peace that is the last minute of the album I just think of how much I enjoyed the ride.

Rating: 4 of 5

ALBUM REVIEW: Aladdin Sane - David Bowie

2010-04-14T16:26:00.001-07:00

Album: Aladdin Sane
Artist: David Bowie
Year: 1973
Genre : Pop/Rock

Favorite Track: Drive-In Saturday

What the hell do you say about David Bowie? I don’t really know. It is really hard to say he has produced a ‘bad’ album. Sure some are weaker and some stronger but there is a relatively high minimum quality to his stuff. All I can really say about it is that I have to be in the right mood to listen to Bowie. Hence why I put this review off for so long.

Overall, this is not my favorite Bowie album. It does have a very nice classic rock feel. I find the last two songs of the album seem to be a bit low in energy compared to the start giving it a bit of a drag. Perhaps it is because they follow ‘Let's Spend the Night Together’ which ends up being, perhaps, the highest energy song on the album with a wonderful-playful sound. ‘Drive-in Saturday’ gets knocked up for my pick of the album though. Its one of the slower songs but everything about it clicks just right.

Rating: 4 of 5

Affirmation

2010-04-02T04:18:00.001-07:00

Honesty. Sometimes people believe this is a good way to seem like an asshole, but I disagree. Honesty is something people should always strive to have, with themselves, and with others.

I was told today that I am admired because of my honesty. A thing that I have wondered about at times lately. Not that I have wondered if I have been dishonest with myself or others. but rather if it is really something I should always be striving towards.

I said something to a girlfriend once, and I wondered if it was really what I should have said. It was entirely honest. Of course I do not remember the exact words, but I told my then girlfriend that I was ready to break-up, that I had been for a while, and that I was only waiting for her to be ready as well. I told her I was only in the relationship at that point because I cared too much about her to pile a break-up on top of the already high stress levels she was operating under.

She cried. She cried and we continued to be in a relationship. An openly unhealthy one at that point.

Now, I do not regret what I said, especially not now. Though I wondered if it was what I should have said, I have come to conclude that it was. Though it made her cry to hear it, I believe it lead to a much cleaner cut than what could have happened. Had I kept all that inside, strived to keep the face of happiness on a relationship my heart was no longer in, let it eat away at me until I could stand it no more and let all the puss and bile destroy anything we might have still been able to cling to.

It was the right thing to say because it was the truth. And honesty is what keeps relationships, all kinds of relationships, from having that bad ending.

I was told that I was admired for my honesty today and I feel affirmed in my resolve. I live by honesty, for me and for mine.

The Pendulum

2010-03-24T02:34:00.001-07:00

The worst thing about the clock is that the pendulum keeps swinging from one side to the other. Sure when it is on one side you can always look forward to the fact that it will swing back to the other in time, but it will always return some time as well.

These Album Review Things

2010-03-13T04:45:00.000-08:00

So chances are you have noticed these Album Reviews I’ve been doing. Perhaps some of the maybe 2 of you who read this blog are wondering what the deal is. So I shall quickly explain.

I was looking through my music library recently and realized that I have a lot of music that, for whatever reason, I just hadn’t listened to in a long time. Because of this I decided I would listen through all of the albums on my computer in alphabetical order. I mean really listen to them, loudly to hear everything and without distracting myself from focusing on the music. After making that decision I thought I should rate them. As you can see I have chosen to write reviews. It is a time consuming project but so far I have been enjoying it.

I have a few rules to govern what I should or shouldn’t review of course. First one being I will only review Albums that were released to the public. This is because I have some things with album names on my computer that are not actually albums.

I also decided that compilations are probably not a great idea either. Particularly movie soundtracks and such because they tend not to be a single artist’s work, and as such must be rated on an entirely different scale. Now some will say “what about greatest hits albums? Those are compilations aren’t they?” Well yes I suppose they are. And I also feel there is an inherent flaw in greatest hits albums. I haven’t reached one of those in my library yet however, and have not decided if I will actually review them. So far I am leaning towards listening and not reviewing.

Before I explain the last rule here is a definition of some of the abbreviations coming up:

EP= Extended Play
LP= Long Playing record

An EP contains a few songs (usually around 3-5 songs), and an LP is a full album. The terms are from the days of vinyl records. In the 1980's, promotional vinyl EPs were often sent to clubs and radio stations to give an overview of an artist's music, and live EPs of top-selling artists were sometimes sent to radio stations to promote the artist on tour and extend the life of an album. The popularity of the promotional EP caused labels to start manufacturing them for the general public, often in colored vinyl and with previously unseen photos used as cover art.

As for the difference between an EP and a single, CD singles have blurred the meanings a bit, but originally a single contained 2 songs: one on the "A-side", and one on the "B-side." (During the days of vinyl singles, occasionally an extra song would be included, though not often.) CD technology allowed more minutes of music than previous music formats, so labels took advantage of it and added "bonus tracks" to some CD singles. Technically speaking, a CD single with bonus tracks is actually an EP...but labels found that calling it a "single with bonus tracks" made it more appealing to consumers.

Right so, the third rule spawned after doing that Mogwai EP review. I decided that EPs and singles are sort of in their own realm. Like, usually the reason they exist is because a few tracks were super popular and there was some extra stuff they didn’t get to fit on the LP but still wanted to get out.

This last one does run into a small probably for some of my stuff though. For example there is a rare single, (a-side and b-side) that is a collaboration and neither track exists anywhere else. So should I review that? There seems to be an extent to which I might have to do singles and EPs on a case by case basis...

Anyway, this post ended up much longer then I had envisioned, but now everyone is clear I hope.

P.S. My whole blog is not dedicated to this project, I do still plan to write just normal entries, but they have been few and far between lately anyway so now you still have some stuff to look at during the slow times.

ALBUM REVIEW: Aion - Dead Can Dance

2010-03-12T15:59:00.001-08:00

Album: Aion
Artist: Dead Can Dance
Year: 1990
Genre : World Fusion / Medieval

Favorite Track: Saltarello

This album is definitely not for everyone, but damn it is good. It opens up with a track devoid of anything but a deep drum beats and layers of chanting voices. The following track ‘Saltarello’ is an instrumental number adapted from an Italian dance of the 14th century. It is an amazingly enchanting piece.

‘The Song of Sibyl’ is another adapted track, this time from 16th century Catalonia. Lisa Gerrard’s vocals in this track really set the mood and continue to showcase her wonderful affinity for this style of music. When listening to songs like ‘As the Bell Rings the Maypole Spins’ it is no surprise she was commissioned to compose music and lend her voice to the soundtrack of Ridley Scott’s Gladiator (2000).

Unfortunately Brendan Perry’s vocals are just not up to par with Gerrard’s. Given this, it is actually surprising to find that the soft plucking strings above the deep organ notes of ‘Fortune Presents Gifts Not According To The Book’ are complimented by his voice. This is not so much the case in ‘Black Sun’ however, which is probably the album’s weakest point.

Overall Aion is one of Dead Can Dance’s best albums, and perhaps even my personal favorite. Like I said at the start, this album is definitely not for everyone, but if you haven’t heard anything by the group before I would highly suggest this album.

Rating: 4.5 of 5

ALBUM REVIEW: A Strangely Isolated Place - Ulrich Schnauss

2010-03-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

Album: A Strangely Isolated Place
Artist: Ulrich Schnauss
Year: 2003
Genre : Electronic / Indie Electronic

Favorite Track: Blumenthal

A Strangely Isolated Place does not seem like the most inviting location one could think of. However, if being there is anything like this album, I would love to visit. The opening track starts you off with oddly peaceful, no real beat for a while, just some soft sounds including some relaxing waves, but soon builds into what the meat of this album will give you. Deep bass lines, strong beats, and surprisingly relaxing melodies. I say surprising because the tempo of most of the tracks is fairly high, generally between 160-200 BPM.

The sixth track, Blumenthal, seems to be have the hardest fit into the album. It seems to be one of the slowest, and perhaps the most “simple” in its sound. Despite this, I find it to be the highest point of the album, it is one of the most relaxing songs I have ever heard.

The songs ‘A Letter From Home’ and ‘Clear Day’ probably give off some of the albums strongest happiness vibes. Although the whole album seems to be meant for evoking good feelings. Quite frankly, I like feeling good.

Rating: 4.5 of 5

ALBUM REVIEW: 4 Satin - Mogwai

2010-03-05T15:37:00.001-08:00

Album: 4 Satin [Jet Set Records Release]
Artist: Mogwai
Year: 1997
Genre : Post-Rock

Favorite Track: Superheroes Of BMX

In 1997 this EP was released by two companies, Jet Set Records and Chemikal Underground. The major difference between the two releases is an opening track that isn’t included on the Jet Set release. However, I listened to the Jet Set version and ‘Superheroes Of BMX’ is a wonderful opening track. It has a hypnotic feel with just enough play on the melodic themes to stay interesting for the full 8 minutes. The second track ‘Now You're Taken’ continues with the slow sounds of the first, but maintains an incredibly mellow throughout. Unfortunately the third track, clocking in at thirteen and a half minutes, devolves into what I can only describe as noise at about the 4 minute mark. This whole EP is just under a half hour in length and this noise is almost an entire third of that. For something that started out with such promise I am left disappointed.

Rating: 3 of 5

ALBUM REVIEW: 100th Window - Massive Attack

2010-03-05T00:38:00.000-08:00

Album: 100th Window
Artist: Massive Attack
Year: 2003
Genre : Electronic / Trip-Hop

Favorite Track: What Your Soul Sings

Its hard to say bad things about this album because, simply put, it isn’t bad. The only problem it seems to suffer from is the fact that Mezzanine was better. When I listen to this album I become entranced by the lovely bass rhythms and unintrusive vocals. I like the sound of almost all the songs, but it is almost too similar to their earlier album. It sort of reminds me of the band Weezer, not their sound at all but in the quality of the music. As if they found a sound, a good one at that, but used all their good songs making the first album with it. The future releases then existing as something that you hear and want to like, perhaps even do like, but in the back of your mind you know “this sounds like a less good version of their last album.” What Your Soul Sings, along with the opening track are some of the strongest on the album. Perhaps this is part of what gives off an overall feeling of “good, but not great.”

Rating: 3.5 of 5

23

2010-02-23T00:20:00.001-08:00

Another year of feeling pretty much the same as before. It seems funny how big of a deal birthdays were at younger ages. Particularly how important it was that I was ___ age. These days I either have to think about how old I am when asked, or “I’m 21" as an I’m old enough to drink thing.

Birthdays are a good excuse to get people together though. And I did have a lot of fun this weekend.

Just For Fun

2010-02-20T01:37:00.000-08:00

http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1266658301265RA17

Times

2010-02-15T02:12:00.001-08:00

There are times to be passive and times for action. I tend to lean towards the passive side most of the time. The closest thing to a New Year’s Resolution I have this year involves the action.

More specifically, there are things I believe, ideals perhaps, that I have never really started living. I cannot quite say why, perhaps because of my past experiences. They are what shape us are they not?

Either way, I will be trying to live a little more in the moment, and taking a more active role in many things in the year to come. Or so I shall try to do anyway.

Blogzzz

2010-02-14T14:31:00.000-08:00

I have felt like writing a couple blogs since my last one. However I never really got around to them, and now the subjects seem outdated. I am going to try a little harder to write them when I at those times. Not having this weekly thing going this year has made it so easy to just forget about it completely.

In other news, I’m pretty happy these days, so that is good.

Towed

2010-01-21T23:47:00.001-08:00

Fucking ridiculous. My car got towed for a relatively dumb reason but that isn’t really the point. The point is that it cost me $235. That is only $12 less then a round trip to fucking Vancouver from San Francisco. That is fucking ridiculous.

In other news. I am enjoying the class I was successful in adding. That is a good thing.

New Years 2010

2010-01-07T21:01:00.001-08:00

So it seems this year I am going to start drinking. I have been 21 for almost two years and had probably like 10 beers total, and only drank like twice while I was underage. As of New Year’s Eve this year I have had about 11 beers. New Castle Brown Ale is delicious.

On another note, I have no real resolutions this year. At least, I haven’t thought of any yet. So far this has been a good year so far. I have made some new friends which is always nice. My sister visited, which was also nice since I hardly talk to her these days.

Oh and my fortune cookie told me if I stay on this path I will achieve my goal. Which goal being the real question... So yeah...

Happy New Year everyone!

The Final Countdown

2009-12-31T19:39:00.000-08:00

Last post of the year. This was an interesting experiment. Honestly, I'm a little surprised I went the whole year. As for next year; I shall continue this, however, posts will probably be a bit less weekly.

Happy New Year everyone!

Winter Solstice

2009-12-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

Well, Sunday was the family party, on the eve of the solstice. This was an odd year. Many of our regulars had problems showing up. Although, it seems a lot of people have been getting some kind of stomach flu lately so it isn’t that surprising. Regardless of the missing people the party turned out quite well in my opinion. The fact that people actually brought real food instead of just cookies was a big contribution to that feeling I think. I might actually go as far as to say this was the best year as far as the food aspect of the party is concerned.

Solstice day was a good time too, although very slow. The sun was going down by the time the family had done breakfast and the very small amount of present exchanging. I spent the night with some of the guys getting some great $5 burgers and a beer. We went bowling afterwards. It seems I was just “on” that night. We played 2 rounds, my first one with a score that tended to be around my average and the second one shattering my previous best score ever. I believe my old best was somewhere near about 135, this one was 205. I opened up the game by getting 5 strikes in a row, it was quite ridiculous. Afterwards we got some shakes and headed home.

All in all it was a great 2 days, and probably the closest to a vacation I will be getting during this winter “break.”

Company Party

2009-12-19T15:43:00.000-08:00

So this year’s company party was last night. A part of me was thinking I might not go to it this year. Of course I did because I had fun last year. This year was even better.

I played a game of pool with my buddy. I was having a just so slightly off game ending with incredible lack of luck. But who cares, it was all in good fun.

Pretty soon it was just about half of our location’s crew bowling together. We were all relatively bad. We only completely 2 games both of which were around my averages. Nice to know I’m not really getting any worse at bowling considering how rarely I play. What was great was when my manager started better on our game. Poor guy lost some money.

This party reminded me of one of the things I like so much about working at a theater though. It really works for my “natural” schedule. This party didn’t even begin until almost midnight and we left around 3am. Admittedly 3am is “late” to be out for me, but lots of people stay out later when they are partying. The entire business is shifted to afternoon and late nights, just when I am normally functioning.

Finals Week

2009-12-12T23:59:00.000-08:00

Well next week is finals. Tuesday is my last day for the semester which is awesome. And the extra work winter break brings in will be nice because I can really use some extra money these days.

Other than that things have been good. I’m really looking forward to mid-winters this year.

Relief

2009-12-05T23:59:00.000-08:00

A Chapter in my life seems to have come to a close. I am rather relieved by this fact. It has me wondering a bit about what is harder, no longer being in a relationship you still want to be in or staying in a relationship you want to get out of. It is unfortunate that in a bad situation one of these two things will be happening, although probably to the different people respectively. Dwelling on that is hard though, because like a fresh cut compared to a week old bruise, the freshest one always seems worse.

On a totally different note, I don’t know what it is about 80s pop music that I enjoy so much. Most of the music is laughable, and bad. But even some of those bad songs are just so... great. Particularly the music videos. On that note I shall leave you with “Safety Dance.”

Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T14:51:00.001-08:00

I am really good at over eating on Thanksgiving. It is the same every year. I wake up super late so I don’t really eat anything till the dinner. Then there is so much food in front of me that I don’t want to stop. I don’t know why if there is something I like to eat in front of me I will eat it, even if I don’t want it.

That’s probably a big reason I got over Halloween at an early age. I was never very good at saving the candy, and I would always feel terrible after eating so much of it. Thanksgiving is nice because I don’t feel so terrible afterwards, just tired really.

So as for what I’m thankful for... I am thankful for a family, including extended, that I like having holidays like Thanksgiving with.

Twilight Does Not Have Vampires

2009-11-21T16:09:00.000-08:00

What is it that you like about sparkling supermen. No, they aren’t vampires, vampires have drawbacks. For example, eternal life at the cost of not being able to go into the sunlight. These stupid twilight guys do not have a single weakness. The only thing that can even moderately hurt them are other vampires and werewolves. I mean they don’t even NEED to feed on human flesh. They can just live off of animals. Just like humans!

So if literally there is no drawback to being a vampire why the hell doesn’t the guy just turn that chick into a vampire at the end of the first book? Obviously she wants to be one, and there are no drawbacks so why not? It would save me a ton of pain because there wouldn’t be 2 more stupid movies coming out.

November

2009-11-14T23:59:00.000-08:00

This has seemed like a long year. Although I have been getting very slow to getting these up, and most are short and pointless, I shall not give up on my resolution. The year is almost done I can do this.

Samhain

2009-11-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

And so a new year begins. I wrote a somewhat related piece a year or so ago. Perhaps it was longer, hard to remember at this point. In fact, I think it may have been 2 years ago now.

Here is an excerpt from it:

One dark evening I finally noticed the rain. I heard it dancing across the roof of my room, and chiming against the windows. I had a strange and strong desire to go outside and dance with it, like I did when I was young. I went to the threshold of the moist rhythms and removed my tethers to the indoors--my shirt, socks, pants, glasses, even my hair tie--stepping exposed into the storm. The drops were cold and hit my skin with surprising force. I walked out farther, to where I would have room to move my body, and let the music pound into my flesh. I closed my eyes and began to dance. I danced to the south, to the fire, and felt warm. I danced to the east, to the air, and felt lighter. I danced to the north, to the earth, and felt rooted. I danced to the west, to the water, and felt quenched.

I cooked a pretty awesome Samhain dinner for the family this year. It was quite simple too. I cut up a bunch of chicken apple sausages into relatively small pieces and started cooking them up. In a separate small pan I cooked up some red onions and garlic with thyme and basil in olive oil with just a little bit of vinegar. I boiled a pound of Rotini pasta (the twisty kind) and chopped up 2 fresh tomatoes.

When the pasta was done cooking I put it into the bowl with the fresh tomatoes, put the sausages on those, and then poured the onions and garlic olive oil and vinegar sauce over it all and mixed it up good. It came out wonderful.

Halloween

2009-10-31T14:57:00.001-07:00

Well happy Halloween everyone. I’m going to be spending tonight at work! Its not so bad though, I kind of got over Halloween when I was 16 or so.

I remember when I used to get real excited about it, getting the costumes and all that. I wasn’t one of those slow candy eaters when I was young though and the stomach ache all night was never to great. At some point I just stopped thinking about it till the day of. Used the same bad costume like 3 years in a row. Soon I just stopped bothering to go out trick or treating.

I’m also not much of a party goer. That and my friends never seem to have parties on Halloween. Last year I went to a Halloween party with my sister. Although I don’t remember what my costume was. I might have just had a Santa Hat on. Anyway I didn’t really know anyone at that party and I’m not really a drinker though so it wasn’t a great time. Though, I think I had more fun than I expected, once I started pretending to be drunk.

Working tonight won’t be bad though. In fact it should be a real easy night, what with all the kids being busy.

Hanging Out

2009-10-24T23:55:00.000-07:00

I find hanging out to be a rather relaxing thing to do. However some people find it to be draining. Perhaps I have just found people I don’t feel I must think about what I do or say around.

Is that not what some people look for in a friend? It seems like one of the major criteria to me. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends who don’t really meet that, but I don’t hang out with them most of the time. Frankly, that’s why.

Because if hanging out with your friends isn’t fun, then why are they your friends?

I Want More Rain

2009-10-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

That day or two of rain we had this week was really nice. I just love the muted light and the feel of the air of stormy weather. It seems so much... I guess cleaner. I always feel really gross during the summer. I go half a day and my skin feels sticky and dusted.

I am really looking forward to the overcast and rainy season this year. I feel like I need it more then usual.

Sorry for these really short posts lately.

Relax

2009-10-10T23:57:00.000-07:00

Some people really need to take a deep breath and chill out. I don’t know what is in the air that is making so many people flip out about stupid shit. All I know is many of these people need to relax a little. Take a deep breath in through the nose, and let it out slowly through the mouth.

Some Pictures

2009-10-03T15:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't feel like writing a whole ton today so here are some pictures. The first ones are from my vacation. Most if not all, are while i was driving north on highway one. I found the sky to be quite nice looking. All of these were taken with my phone so you will notice some spots on every image in the same places. Oh well.

Now for the not so nice looking images. I was in a car accident on Wednesday. Nobody appears to be permanently hurt, which is good. Car doesn't look to bad either, as you can see. However the airbags deployed and those are ridiculously expensive to replace. So, the car is "totaled" even though nothing mechanically was damaged.

Well, see you next post! Maybe I'll post the the images of bruising, maybe I'll recount the story, maybe it will be completely unrelated.

Film Festival

2009-09-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

Alright, last week was some stupid film festival. I should have written about is sooner obviously but whatever. The main point of this is just for a small rant about how stupid those film fest people were. Seriously, if someone had come to me last Wednesday, the day before the festival started, and told me, “we need you to organize this,” I probably could have done a better job then these people.

So, I’m going to skip most of it for you guys and just talk about the last night of it, last Sunday. This was the night that the film festival was showing the new Michel Moore movie “Capitalism: A Love Story” or something. This was the only movie they played that seemed to draw a crowd. A crowd that hung out extremely loudly and filled our whole lobby for a good 45 minutes. You see, they said that they were starting the movie at 6:30 so people started showing up at 6:15. However, they film fest organizers failed to pay attention to the fact that the movie they were playing before that didn’t end until about 6:50.

Now obviously this is bad, and it makes US look bad. Which is stupid as shit because WE weren’t running any of this. We were literally a place of business that the film fest was renting space in to do their own thing. We had no information about what movies were playing, where they were playing, how long they were, nothing. So when customers came to ask us questions about it we, obviously, told them to talk to the festival people. The kicker being, the fucking festival people started asking us questions about shit. Ugh, hold on I’m getting ahead of myself.

So the second showing of this Capitalism movie was supposed to start at 9:00. Considering how late the first one was its no surprise the second one started late too. But of course, before it was supposed to start people began to show up. First was 2 elderly people saying they were volunteers and they were supposed to be able to watch the movie for free tonight. As usual I told them to go talk to the lady at the festival table. She wasn’t there though, no one seemed to know where she was. Well more and more people start showing up and finally the first showing ends. That organizer lady comes out of there and starts talking to us and asks if all those people, now somewhere between 8 and 12, were here for the festival. Fucking terrible.

Then around 9:15 when most of the people who would be showing up had, and they are waiting to get in, she comes up to our counter, “Do you know when you will be able to start this movie?”

When will WE start it? Its not our fucking job to start your shit. Just like it isn’t our job to know where you fucking movies are. That is why you had to fucking hire that god damn projectionist lady from fucking 50 miles away at last minute, to play your shit. It isn’t our fucking problem.

I did not say this to her of course. Eventually they finally got it started, sometime close to 9:40.

When the movie finally ended there was one last kicker for me. A person came out of the theater, and came up to me to tell me a problem he had. Something about the houselights not seeming to go down and how it bothered him the whole movie. I very politely, as I always do, told the man I was sorry and we might have been able to do something if someone had told us the problem during the movie. He didn’t seem to want to here that though, he wanted to tell me about how we should really make sure it doesn’t happen again. I explained how we at our establishment work very hard to make sure things like that don’t happen but unfortunately we were not responsible for the film festival movies or anything they failed to do. I assured him that we never let that happen when WE played movies. He gave me a look of “Oh I’m sure it wasn’t YOUR fault, of course it was someone else.” It dripped with sarcasm and all I could do was be pissed off as he walked away.

I am not a particularly angry person or anything. However if there is one thing that ticks me the fuck off, its people not understanding shit like that. When you start looking at the work my people and I do, and start telling us we are doing our jobs wrong when it isn’t our job, I will explain it to you. If a theater doesn’t get cleaned, fine that is our mistake, we can and will take responsibility for it. But when you start telling me or my team we are doing things wrong because you don’t know who is supposed to be doing it or how it is supposed to be done, then FUCK YOU.

We were doing shit we weren’t supposed to do just to keep those film fest fuckers afloat. We saved their fucking festival and what happens? They still managed to do so fucking terrible that it makes me and my team look bad simply because it happened at our location. Now, if we had done something bad, if me and mine had made ourselves look bad, then fine. But we didn’t, they made us look bad, and I am still fucking pissed about it.

Banking

2009-09-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

Ugh what the fuck is up with my bank taking forever to do shit these days. I need my damn money to be in my damn account. NOW DO IT!

Vacation - Day 4

2009-09-11T00:39:00.001-07:00

I got out of the hotel room about an hour after waking up on the last day. Partly because I wanted to start the day, and party because I had to get out of the hotel room by noon. The following goal to accomplish was feeding myself.

After a short time of driving around in circles, slightly confused by the 1-way streets, I eventually found my way to the downtown area. Finding somewhere to part was surprisingly easy, probably because the large parking lot wasn’t taken up with a farmer’s market, as the signs indicated had happened the day before.

I walked down the street one way and at what seemed to be the end of the business area I noticed an Indian food restaurant. I had been having a surprising desire for Indian food since the day before so I jumped at the chance. The food was quite tasty, although, the amount of Dal was a bit smaller then I had anticipated. This was of course offset by the Spinach portion and butternut squash mush that came with it. Overall it was a pretty tasty meal.

Unfortunately I had quite a few hours to kill before my friend who lived in Santa Cruz finished his prior arrangements. The other guy I knew I couldn’t seem to get a hold of. So, I walked all the way down the main street the opposite direction and at the other end bought a jamba juice before heading back to my car. Next, I drove out to the coast and followed it to some kind of “Surf Museum.” I didn’t really care to see that however so I instead just parked my car and walked along the cliffs overlooking the ocean. After spending quite some time there I made my way down to some touristy wharf and strolled all the way down that and back.

The sights of all the hordes of people on the beaches got me wanting to take a bit of a swim. I, of course, didn’t own any swimming trunks. I made my way back downtown to do a bit of shopping. Right after I was stepping out of the store with my new blue swimming trunks and some horribly stupid “Santa Cruz” beach towel, my phone began to ring. It was sometime after 3 at this point, and he had some bad news for me. He had forgotten that he promised to see a movie, however I was welcome to join them. I happened to be standing across the street from a large movie theater and asked him if that was the place he was going. He was a bit taken back that I somehow knew and then started saying that he could see me. It’s a bit silly when you are on the phone with someone you can see but don’t know it.

Anyway, having spent most of the day alone and in the blaring hot sun, I went ahead and watched the movie with them. Unfortunately this was Harry Potter, but the second viewing was a bit better then the first one. It was also a little interesting to see the differences in how the theater was operating.

After the movie I simply had to goto the beach. It would have been to much of a waste to buy these items and not use them. So he took me to, I think it was Starbright Beach, or something like that. It was a very nice beach, the funny part about it being the only thing that separated it from the Boardwalk beach was a little outcropping of rocks. This appeared to be enough to have the crowd on the beach be a good 5000 people fewer though. The water was very cold but it felt pretty good.

We didn’t stay to long, probably a good thing since I didn’t have any sunscreen or anything. But we were hungry. He showed me a cool little place that you could get basically any Asian food you desired. This was kind of weird, most restaurants only allow you to pick from one ethic group’s cuisine. I ended up with a pretty standard chinese chicken and rice bowl, and my friend got some kind of peanut sauce thai noodles.

It was after dinner that I decided it would be wise to start the journey home. My friend suggested taking highway-17 out of Santa Cruz because there was a fire starting up somewhere near highway-1's exit. I filled up my tank one last time, and took his advice. It was a pretty pleasant drive home, only about 2 hours. When I got back into town I dropped by a friend’s house. It was his birthday and I just had to stop by. From there on out it was just a pretty standard night.

Vacation - Day 3

2009-08-30T20:16:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I officially missed a blog update. I WILL do 2 this week because of that.

On the second morning I was in Long Beach I got much better sleep. Unfortunately there was some kind of thing going on in the apartment complex which meant that we could not use any water at all from like 10 in the morning till 6 in the evening. I of course, got up in the middle of that time period. Lucky for me and my friend, his girlfriend’s apartment isn’t where he is officially living.

So, we gathered up a few things and headed on over to the apartment he pays for. This place seemed more like the apartment complexes I’m used to. Perhaps one would call them college complexes or something. Judging from the fact that there were numerous girls who appeared to be around our ages sun bathing around the public pool. None of his roommates were there. Once we finished taking our showers we walked down to the shopping center a block or two away.

A large ‘VONS’ store was where I decided to eat. This was the market chain that seemed to be all over southern California. It is Safeway, no question, I even saw a shipping rack that said Safeway on it. This large place was even set up in the exact same way as my local safeway. This was the first time I had ever bought a sandwich from a Safeway, and it actually wasn’t that bad. After grabbing our grub we walked back to the apartment to eat.

We watched the first episode of this “Burn Notice” show, which wasn’t bad, and his roommates returned home with much surprise to see my friend there. It seems he really wasn’t exaggerating when he told me how rarely he goes there. Now, I had been debating heading out to Santa Cruz this day instead of staying in Long Beach one more day because I simply did not want to do that I-5 drive again. So that is what I ended up doing.

We went back to where all my stuff I would need was. I gathered it all up, gave my friend a hearty goodbye, and got a confirmation that if I got lost I could call him up for some directions. Then I set out for a scenic drive.

I started out by getting onto highway-1 north following the coast. Now, my timing for when I left was quite terrible, and I knew it. I was starting out in rush hour. But it was ok, cruising around the coast was just so nice compared to anything else I could have done. I actually like driving, I just don’t like driving roads like I-5; straight and flat, that literally it.

After driving up through Malibu and all those other smaller towns along the coast, the final one being Oxnard, highway-1 merged with 101. Eventually 101 left the coast, which was a little sad because it was a really nice drive with cliffs on one side and ocean off the other. The drive wasn’t very climactic or anything though. I stopped twice before reaching my goal, Salinas, once at a gas station for a piss and a drink, and once for food.

The food was a little comical, as you know I had a sandwich for breakfast. Well that breakfast sandwich was roast beef on a french bread roll with lettuce, onions, cheddar cheese, and a little honey mustard sauce. My dinner was an In-and-Out burger, ground beef on a bun with lettuce, onions, and cheddar. Ah the excitement of food when traveling.

Anyway, so I reached Salinas and was going to stay at a motel. However, I started seeing a bunch of signs for Santa Cruz in Salinas, and I wasn’t really tired. So, I went for it, took the 183 back over to highway-1 right into Santa Cruz. I got a motel room at about 12:30 in the morning. I watched some terrible TV before heading to bed, but that was it for day 3.

Vacation - Day 2

2009-08-22T15:35:00.000-07:00

So this apartment got all kinds of stuffy. Not exactly sure why though, it never really felt all that hot in Long Beach. Anyway, because of this the windows and all that tended to stay open to keep the place aired out.

This morning, some time near 9am, there appeared to be someone with a leaf blower outside. What was funny about this is when I actually woke up a few hours later and asked about it, this was the first time that my friends had ever had this happen.

After my shower and breakfast and such, my buddy and I took a walk to the beach. We talked a lot about various things as we walked down it. Mostly just catching up and such. Then we headed back towards the town to 2nd street.

2nd street was the kinda main drag, for this area. Tons of restaurants and stores. We got some Jamba Juice and commented about various qualities of these establishments. One of which being a new Thai place that he hadn’t been to yet.

When we got back to the apartment I had decided that I was going to go get a nice massage. It was something I had been thinking about doing before getting there, but it wasn’t till then that I was sure it would happen. We asked his girlfriend if she knew where to go for a good one. Her friend said that the Korean one was really good.

Imperial Health Center, was what it was called. That is where I went as well. It was about a 15-20 minute drive, and it was in the Korean District. I was a bit surprised because the exit sign to get there actually did call it the Korean District, I didn’t really expect it to be so... official.

This place was really nice though. There was a big shower room with 4 steam rooms attached to it, 2 hot tubs, and tons of both sitting and standing showers. This was by far the best shower I had on my vacation. They even had little shampoo and conditioner dispensers at each showering station. The only thing that was arguably uncomfortable was the fact that I was literally the only person there who was under the age of maybe 35, and not Korean. I didn’t really care though, it was just funny because I could tell I was far from the average customer.

Of course, I still had a massage to get as well. It took me a little while to find the room for it, but that was ok. An older Korean lady greeted me and bid me lay down on my stomach to begin the massage. I had never really had a really deep full body massage it was quite an experience. She even massaged my scalp and face. She also did that walking massage stuff, which was odd. When I entered the room I didn’t really look around so when she was walking on me and doing all these crazy things with her feet I had to wonder what she was using for leverage. Once she had me turn over I saw the bars stretched over the table for her to hold on to.

After the hour long massage I walked around the establishment a little to see what other things they had. It wasn’t a whole lot, there was an outside patio type area, an exercise room, and a room with a big TV and comfy chairs. I didn’t linger long though because I was beginning to get hungry.

When I got back to the apartment I found out that my buddy’s girlfriend went to a friend’s house to do some studying. Once we decided to eat at that new Thai place we of course invited her though. She met us there. It was a pretty tasty place, I got a peanut curry with chicken. The portions were also huge, I only got about half my curry down before filling up.

The rest of the night was a bit of a disappointment unfortunately. We hung around the apartment for a while and then went out to try and find something to do. Tuesdays are the day that nothing is open in Long Beach it seems. After driving around for a while and finding many places closed we just went to the market and bought some beer and food, then watched some DVDs while we ate and drank a little.

I’m sorry this took so long to get posted, had a pretty busy week with school starting up and everything. In current news I seem to have gotten a bit sick. Day 3 coming soon.

Vacation - Day 1

2009-08-15T01:42:00.001-07:00

I took my vacation this week. I am also going to be totally lame and split the story of the four days into more then 1 post. However, this is partly in an attempt to get back to posting before Saturday.

Day 1: So, I had planned to leave around 1:00pm. That didn’t quite happen. Just as usual I managed not only to just leave at like 1:45, but I managed to forget something. Of course, I was fortunate enough to realize I forgot it before getting out of town. Funny thing about this though, it wasn’t what one might have thought. I didn’t forget my wallet, or some socks. I packed everything I thought I might need. What I managed to walk out of the house without was my belt. An item I use ever single day. I still don’t understand how I did that.

So after returning home I started my trip once more. It was now about 2:15 because I was doing my little bit of snack shopping for my drive when I noticed the missing belt. I decided to drop by my girlfriend’s work place to hug her goodbye before leaving town, but that was a very short stop.

I was underway, leaving town, by about 2:30. It was a long drive, the bulk of which was on I-5. Dear god I-5 is painful. I was on that road for a good four and a half to five hours. Two lanes of fast traffic cutting straight through a lot of yellow plains. There is literally nothing but tiny towns with fast food and more pavement. I spent much time scanning the radio stations hoping to find the new frequency for NPR. More often then not I just found religious stations. If any of you really want to get into radio go for a Christian station, the sheer number of them should make the work hunt easier.

As I finally reached Grapevine and began traveling over the hills to LA the sun had started setting. It was very red compared to what I am used to. After getting to LA I thought that I must be very close to Long Beach. I wasn’t quite right however, it was still I good 45-50 minutes before I reached my destination.

I only stopped twice on the trip there, and the first thing I did was goto the bathroom. Then my friend cooked me up a burger. It was quite good, but it would also be a fairly standard set of ingredients for my meals to come. Beef, lettuce, onion, and bread. It was a nice apartment though, very close to the beach, but small. One bedroom, where my friend and his girlfriend slept, a bathroom, a small kitchen, and a living room.

They were half way through Death Race, so I watched the last half with them. Me and my friend stayed up a bit later after the movie catching up a little. I think I went to bed around 1:30am, though I know I didn’t fall asleep till quite a bit later. I slept on the couch.

Day 2: coming soon.

Saturdays

2009-08-08T15:16:00.001-07:00

So I’m sure people have noticed how I seem to be updating on Saturdays now. Well yes it is because I am struggling to keep up with the one post a week thing. I keep telling myself that I’m going to do it a day or 2 early and get back onto Sunday posts, but that just hasn’t been happening.

I guess maybe I just have a little too much on my plate these days. That vacation I have mentioned appears to be happening though. That should be nice. I should be leaving in two days for that.

It is a bit odd though. Even though I feel overburdened I can’t really think of anything that seems extra stressful or anything. I don’t even feel like there is much to write about because everything appears so average when I think about it. Hopefully this break from everything gives me some time to level out again.

Summer Ending

2009-08-01T02:49:00.001-07:00

It seems like every day I am getting a little more off the schedule I want to be on. In relation to sleeping and such that is. I’ve slept till about 3pm more then once in the last week or two. And had to deal with all the, “oh my god, how can you sleep that late?!?!” stuff.

It isn’t that weird if you think about it for a few damn seconds. Lets say you are a normal person going to sleep about midnight and waking up at about 9am. That is about 9 hours of sleep. Well if I’m falling asleep around 6am and waking up at 3pm that is also 9 hours of sleep.

Now sure, yes I know the whole world isn’t on that crazy schedule, and like I said before I don’t really want to be on that schedule either. But it is just so annoying to hear people going off like this is some amazing or ridiculous thing that is happening. I’m not sleeping 15 hours a night, I’m sleeping the same amount as anyone else just at a different time.

Who knows though, maybe my schedule is getting so skewed because of some underlying problem. Maybe I really do just need some time somewhere else. Somewhere to get away from all the shit around here. Somewhere that I literally have to deal with nothing involving my normal day to day life.

I still have 2 weeks to get that done. And yes I do realize I’ve slipped into updating on Saturdays putting me dangerously close to missing a week.

A Vacation

2009-07-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

I think I should take one before summer is over. I just don’t know quite what I should do.

Some people have taken big trips this summer, to other parts of the country. It’s a little last minute for me to do something that big. Some of done camping things, which I don’t much want to do because of how much I fear poison oak.

Of course where to go isn’t the only question. Do I want to take people with me? If not then am I going to go visit someone? For how many days?

Vacations are an odd thing for me. I seem to find the most relaxation from just doing whatever I would normally do without obligations. It just doesn’t seem like a vacation to take a bunch of days off work anymore though. What would I do? Sit on the computer all day every day? It would be boring, I would want some kind of interaction.

So far the best idea I have had is to go visit my friend in his relatively new apartment. It would be a bit of a drive, which is probably a good thing. Getting me away completely from all of this stuff. It would be relatively cheap to do since I wouldn’t need to stay at a hotel or something.

So now its just this last minute thing. Should I actually do it? Do I really think it will help? Do you, the few people who read this, think I should?

Harry Freakin' Potter

2009-07-18T23:50:00.000-07:00

It was an overly warm summer night. It was an air charged with an excitement more palpable than the musk left in the wake of hormone filled teenage girls watching sparkling vampires. This night, dear readers, was the night of Harry Potter and the half-blood prince.

The crowd undulated outside the doors. A mass of sweaty mouth-breathers who’s collective intelligence rivaled that of a headless pigeon. “There is a hedge right here with a path going past it, but you can’t see through the windows if the line goes that way,” stated one such person. The line instead turned towards the path of cars and parking areas. However, this was a night of magic, and like the hyphy bus from movie number three, cars would change shape to accommodate the crowd.

Soon the doors were opened by the mighty wand of the general manager, and the screaming of 450 muggles filled the small lobby. The lone floor staff of the night swallowed what little hope he had for a pleasant night, wishing only that he had some strong spirits to drown his ears in.

Harry Potter, the once paradox of babiness and power, was now a man. A man with such powers he could give God a run for his money using only the disarming spell.

Ok I’m done. This week was lame. Tomorrow is my day off. Yay.

4th of July

2009-07-05T21:14:00.001-07:00

Not really my favorite holiday or anything. In fact pretty far from it now. I remember when I was little me and my father would goto the parade and all that. I also remember going to the fireworks for years.

Not in more recent years though. I think once our family’s friends moved away from that place right next to the field where they happen I just stopped bothering. Not so much because I don’t like fireworks of course, more because I don’t like getting home afterwards.

This year we did a kinda joint birthday party/4th of July thing. My dad’s birthday is only a few days before so I wouldn’t be surprised if I just forgot the other many times we have done this. So plenty of people visited, and we cooked up lots of chickens and ribs and all that good stuff. I ate a bit to much of just about everything yesterday. Payed for it today but it was worth it.

Good company is usually worth it.

I am going to attempt to get an extra post in this week to make up for last week.

Placeholder

2009-07-03T02:35:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to get to this for a few days. This is a placeholder because I refuse to miss a week completely.

Mid-Summers

2009-06-21T18:58:00.001-07:00

Hurrah I have a car again. The whole lead up to getting it was very long and nerve racking. However, now there is great relief and pleasure in the knowledge that I can drive where and when I want.

I took it for a small trip yesterday, along some freeway driving and such to see how she felt. “Dreamy” fits pretty well. Although the car was great the trip itself was not so good. Well, the trip back wasn’t so good.

After completing the task I had at the other end of this trip I began the trip back. The first stop, about 2 minutes down the road, was a gas station. $2.89.9 per gallon was a little depressing, gas went up a good 15-20 cents since I last had my own car. That wasn’t what made it so bad though, what made this stop bad was completely unrelated to cars.

I stood in front of the little panel and slid my card in. Then, as I stood waiting for it to process my pin number something went into my left eye. I have no idea what it was but I felt it, its uncomfortable and instant tear inducing mass. I spent a good 3 minutes trying to read the panel through the layer of fluid. Eventually it seemed to be out, or at least out enough to function again.

That wasn’t all that went wrong on the tip home however. It took substantially greater time then it should have. What might have been a 25-30 minute drive turned into an hour and 10 minutes do to the two miles of almost completely stopped traffic. I don’t know what happened because by the time I got to where the fire trucks and police cars were stationed they were picking up the cones and clearing away.

That was the worst of the day, my Summer Solstice dinner came out great. A ground turkey meat pasta dish. The meat was cooked up with red and white and green onion, garlic, various herbs, and some red wine. That was mixed into the rotini pasta with fresh cut tomato chunks and a olive oil and vinegar sauce. All of this was served over a bed of fresh red leaf lettuce. We had some raspberry sorbet and blackberry ice cream for dessert.

The eve turned out well despite my still irritated eye. Today my eye still seems bothersome but I think it is getting better, though I can’t quite tell. Either way I am not too worried by it, just annoyed.

I hope everyone is having a nice Mid-Summers day. I know I am happy, for today is the longest day of the year. From here on the nights shall be getting longer once again.

A Week Alone

2009-06-16T13:22:00.001-07:00

So today is the 8th day of being alone, so to speak. I’m not really alone, there are the three other people living in the house, and my friends I have seen a bit of. It is definitely different though, most notably at night.

It had been quite a while since I had multiple days of solitude in the early morning. An empty room to really call my own at all times. There are nice things about it. For one, I feel that I am relaxing easier, there is just less to think about for the most part.

Perhaps I am accounting for the wrong thing however. It has also been almost a full week of knowing what car I shall buy. It has also been 3 days since I figured out exactly how and why I am paying for it. Even though I don’t have the car just yet, the certainty of the situation is a great relief.

Summer Nights

2009-06-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

I have some serious problems with sleeping on summer nights. I have come to the conclusion that it is because my body wants a certain amount of darkness before heading to bed. This becomes a great problem when the nights start so late and end so early.

In the past 2 weeks I have noticed the curtains over my windows beginning to light up as I am still trying to fall asleep. I can’t quite figure out how to word the way that makes me feel. Its not exactly a dread, and I am not quite disappointed in myself. Its almost an annoyance but at the same time it doesn’t really agitate.

Just a week and a few days till mid-summers though, then the nights will start getting longer again, and hopefully that will help me goto sleep a little earlier.

Hopefully it will help me get back on track with posting on Sundays too.

Big Buy

2009-06-05T00:23:00.001-07:00

So I have all but commit to the car I shall be getting. Yet things are progressing on that front slower then I would like. Dealing with and thinking about this car has been taking up most of what I consider my free time.

It doesn’t seem like it should be as stressful as it is. But then again, why shouldn’t it be? Even if I only look at the fiscal side of it, I am pretty much looking at spending all of the money I can say that I have.

I know this is a short blog, and a late one, but I don’t have much else to think about these days.

She Did Good By Me

2009-05-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

We said goodbye for the last time today, after taking our usual trip together. We listened to music on the radio, like old times, instead of NPR like we had been more recently.

It was a little odd at first, I had been with others over the last couple weeks, younger ones. But I always loved how stable she felt on those usual curves. I think it was her weight that seemed so safe.

But it was her time. 22 years is a long time for a car.

She did good by me.

Radius

2009-05-22T01:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve had “my own” car pretty much since I was 16. It has been very nice, but it has also made me rather dependant on having a car. My world is a 50 mile radius regardless of the time. But “my” car is finally finished.

I have needed a new one for a long time. Anyone who had seen that car should be able to vouch for that. And everyone who reads this has seen said car.

I’m not totally sure that I am quite prepared for a new car however. I have been moved this step a bit faster then I had anticipated. Although that hasn’t always been the case. I had many plans for my transportation before financial realities really kicked in.

For one thing my original calculations said I would be able to put more money away over the course of the year then I was able. Not to mention the stock market saw to reducing a large portion of what I expected to have as well. And now with the requirement of a new car I feel displaced.

But things are looking up. For one thing, I would be hard pressed to find a car worse then I already had. In fact, a new car might expand my radius once again.

Week Off

2009-05-14T01:06:00.000-07:00

I should have just decided to take this week off and make a post about taking it off earlier. I didn’t though, I kept telling myself I would find time and do a real post. But I’m not going to this week.

I’m just going to say I was too busy, but next week I will definitely do one. Maybe even two to make up for this.

Rain Dance

2009-05-05T17:18:00.001-07:00

I woke up each morning feeling a gnawing cold in my gut. But I would get up, and as the day progressed my chest would get heavy so everything seemed laborious. By the evenings I would be worn away and lightheaded drifting around the house. My nights were sleepless while my body felt parched in ways I could not seem to satisfy. It wasn’t always like that, but I never seemed to think of the old days, when I was living. I spent at least two years like that, unlucky years. I would feel those pains my subconscious secreted into every moment. I needed something I had lost during my years in highschool. Something they had taught out of me. Samhain was nearing and I was convinced that I just wasn’t getting out enough. I reached out to try and change some of the things I knew I didn’t have. I had no job, no women or men, no connections.

I began looking for work as I reached out for friendships. All the people I rarely saw reached back, so increased my human contact. Then I reached for affection and found a woman, afraid connect. Just as Samhain hailed the new year she reached back towards me. I took the chance to bond, but found I needed something more. I continued my search for a job, and the rains began, I took no heed. Each day of rain that passed was another failed day at getting a job. I felt myself slipping back towards the unlucky years, my subconscious pressing uncomfortably through the days once more.

The sun was setting very early now, and I spent most of my days and nights staring into my computer’s glow. One dark evening I finally noticed the rain. I heard it dancing across the roof of my room, and chiming against the windows. I had a strange and strong desire to go outside and dance with it, like I did when I was young. I went to the threshold of the moist rhythms and removed my tethers to the indoors--my shirt, socks, pants, glasses, even my hair tie--stepping exposed into the storm. The drops were cold and hit my skin with surprising force. I walked out farther, to where I would have room to move my body, and let the music pound into my flesh. I closed my eyes and began to dance. I danced to the south, to the fire, and felt warm. I danced to the east, to the air, and felt lighter. I danced to the north, to the earth, and felt rooted. I danced to the west, to the water, and felt quenched. I felt connected to the world, like I did in the old days, once again.

A Dream

2009-04-28T00:35:00.001-07:00

I slept like shit last night. Woke up at least twice, and took forever to fall asleep. I did sleep, however little it may have been, and I remember the dream I had. Although if I forgot any part of it I wouldn’t really know it...

Anyway, I was at work. That door marked “Private” next to the entrance to theater 4 was still there, even though I know its gone now. I caught a Mexican girl, she seemed like a freshman or something in highschool, opening up the door to go in there and I was like “hey you can’t go back there.” So she gave me a nasty look and went back into theater 4. I could tell she wasn’t going to give up though, so I hid somehow and when she came back out to try again I managed to have my foot in the way so when she tried to open the door it stopped. She seemed confused and shocked when she saw me towering over her with crossed arms.

I feel like I made a comment along the lines of “What do you think you are going to find in there? Pirates?” Terry saw what was going down and the girl tried to ‘explain’ how rude I was being. Although considering her bitchy attitude and the way Terry looked at my foot in the door she still had her hand on the handle of, he didn’t buy it and sided with me completely. Now that I think about it, Terry might have made that pirates comment to the girl.

So we kicked the girl out and she seemed pissed. A few moments later I saw her outside the theater near my car with some guy who looked the same age. He was looking around in that “I’m going to do something illegal and I know it,” way. I got out there just in time to yell and startle the fuck out of the guy as I came charging to keep him from slashing my tires. I think he stabbed at me, but whatever happened I got a hold of his arm and twisted it behind his back to incapacitate him. The girl ran off or something, I was leading him back in to call the police and keep him there till they came.

I woke up however. Probably 20 or so minutes before my alarm would have gone off. I didn’t fall back asleep.

Nerd

2009-04-23T00:08:00.001-07:00

I made an analogy about my brain this weekend. I said I was feeling distracted, or unable to devote enough attention to things I needed to be thinking about because of thoughts I couldn’t quell. I said it was like I was trying to run call of duty or some other video game with itunes open. I can’t decide if this makes a complete nerd or if it just makes me a child of the digital age.

Unfortunately I am posting this blog super late because my brain seems to have a virus eating up all my processing and ram. I think that virus is the knowledge of the homework I missed and knowing I need to get it done.

I just need to find the time for it. I mean hell, I’m a big enough nerd it shouldn’t be to hard to do, right?

Comfort

2009-04-13T21:28:00.001-07:00

I don’t really get why some people become so restless about where they live. I have never felt that “trapped” feeling so many people have said about their parent’s home, or city they grew up in. If anything I feel rooted here.

Its not my job being familiar with people I mostly consider friends, or the comforts of the house my parents so lovingly allow me to exist in. It’s the whole town.

I goto the grocery market for lunch and the cashiers talk to me and give me employee discounts even though I don’t, and never have, worked there. I goto the Chinese buffet for a little snack and they give me it for free.

Part of me knows that I could develop such connections anywhere, but why should I? I already have them here. I don’t feel trapped in the familiar, I feel comfortable.

Busy

2009-04-06T15:02:00.001-07:00

Now, I don’t expect the world to stop while I’m sick or anything. However, is it just me to whom it seem crazy that after being sick for a week everyone expects you to do twice as much the next week?

You don’t recover in night damn it.

Sick

2009-03-31T00:57:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the late post. I have been and still am really sick. I felt a little better yesterday but I feel bad again today.

As of tomorrow I will have missed 2.75 days of work and 1 day of school.

I really hate being sick.

Character

2009-03-23T00:43:00.000-07:00

I almost died last night. I was not the only one to be hurt badly, but I was the only one to truly stare at my body’s almost certain demise. But as the clutches of the spirit world grasped at me I tumbled free, to the relative safety of my companions.

I, a short tempered outcast, was then saved, quite selflessly, by another wounded man. Someone who for the little time we spent together had very little reason to truly believe in my ability, let alone my morality, to stay and help afterwards.

That act made me feel accepted in a way I never would have expected. At least, not from the way most other humans have treated me.

Of course, none of this happened in our reality. But then, how can one act well if one does not, to an extent, become the character.

There is that saying about people, how we are all just players on the stage of life. No use quoting it here, everyone knows the line and where to place the credit. I wonder sometimes, about that saying. About how many, or few roles we really do play.

Eleventh!

2009-03-15T23:19:00.001-07:00

This is the eleventh week I’ve kept this up. Not to badly I think, sure I dropped off in getting them done on time for a few weeks there but I still kept the once a week part up.

Anyway, school starts up again tomorrow. It seems odd to never have a real vacation anymore. I remember back in the old days before a job the vacations always felt like something to look forward to. I still kinda do, they are nice because it means less obligations. Its just annoying how now a vacation also means more demand from one of the obligations.

That is the nature of my work though, and I can’t say I have a particularly bad job. I mean, sure there are things I don’t like but there are many nice things about it to. Its just annoying that since we are open for so many extra hours during a vacation more time is demanded of me.

I got a fair amount of comments, offline, about that poem last week. Sort of renews some fo the vigor I once had at the idea of being a writer. Although, that is not steady work, at least not yet for a person like me.

I think I will try to put a little more time into that however, and perhaps post some more of my work on here in the future. When I have more time that is.

One Hour

2009-03-10T22:59:00.001-07:00

It is not a lot of time. However that one lost hour completely destroys my world every year. This year I was walking around my house on Saturday, and I said to myself, “oh tomorrow is Sunday I will write my blog.” Then 2 days of completely incomprehensible existence followed. I don’t really know what I did or didn’t do until today, and even today I don’t really know what happened before I was at work.

I do not feel like ranting about how stupid I am for forgetting once again. Instead I will post this poem I once wrote.

There are no sounds coming from outside the ring,
no people watching to see who wins.
I wouldn’t bet on me.

How am I to win? I’m fighting a landslide
aware only that it destroys, and not what
it destroys, my will to persevere.

The bell rings,
the opening exchange is more one sided than I expected.
Each tick and tock another punch to my face.

A bloody, mashed up heap of flesh.
Broken jaw, bleeding and crooked nose,
cut across the forehead, dripping down
in blind, weeping eyes.

I don’t feel any of it.
The ground is hard and comfortable.

Just so you know, One Hour is not the title.

Distracted

2009-03-02T23:43:00.001-08:00

Ugh this is the third week in a row. Sundays are when I am supposed to be posting these. Too much is always happening these days. Even my days off don’t feel much like days off.

Its driving me to do anything to make that little bit of free time feel like more. To do things that at least give me the feeling of something I want being achieved instead of just the things I must achieve.

By distracting myself this way I am neglecting other things. Well, I suppose I’ve only really neglected this.

Perhaps I need another source of motivation for this. Or perhaps, I need to spend a little more time thinking about what day it is. That is something I miss greatly about having grade school and nothing else. I always knew what day it was.

Gravity

2009-02-24T01:53:00.001-08:00

I’m late on this again. I am slipping, or perhaps falling away from my commitment to this already. I shall not give up.

I wonder sometimes why I have such a problem remembering things. I don’t think I am a generally forgetful person. I pretty much always know my work schedule even though I never write it down week to week. I remember stupid math equations from statistics a year ago. I have a great memory for locations, I can still remember the exact house of both of my ex-girlfriends even though it has been 3-4 years since I had any reason to get near them. I can tell you random cheats for stupid old video games.

But I cannot remember a doctors appointment. At least, not the way I should. I will remember a week in advance. I’ll check the calendar thinking, “oh shit its today isn’t it! Oh phew, its next week.” Then it is completely forgotten until the day after the event.

Is something wrong with me? With my brain? One might think its just a short-term problem, but I remember lots of other things in the short term. What I ate for the last few meals for example.

I think I must just fight the forgetfulness. Pile it on top of the balanced tower of distractions. Remember to fight gravity from letting it fall down.

Disappointment

2009-02-16T13:54:00.000-08:00

There is a subtle line between frustration and anger. I think I am a person who is pretty good at not crossing over that threshold. Perhaps I am someone who just accepts when things go wrong.

Things went wrong yesterday, obviously. I forgot to write my blog on time. Although, that was a mistake made, I believe, from the weight of all the other disappointments on my mind. Regardless of what a nerd I am for playing Dungeons and Dragons I enjoy it. Now it has been a full five weeks since my group got to play, and next week won’t be available.

There were many things that went wrong all weekend though. I have already vented enough about my Friday. Problems of that day linger though.

I had a dream last night in which I had to walk around barefoot. I crossed the area and got some glass in my right foot that made it hurt to walk but I could not stop for some reason. I had to do something hazy, and then come back, across the glass once more. Finally I was able to deal with cause of my pains. With some tweezers I got out the first piece, a wedge jammed straight up the into my heel. The next one I removed was on the right side of my foot, it was much longer then I had thought it would be, at least 2 inches. The next one was on the back of my foot, angled up towards my ankle. This one was not as long but just as painful.

The last one was on the left side, it was shaped like a long rectangle. I could see it under my skin extending from the entry point. It was deep, only the tiniest bit poking out, not enough to grab. I had to move the tweezers into the wound in order to grab it. Forcing a gap between the glass and my insides revealed that a vein had been severed. Blood gushed forth and pain shot up my leg. I had to get it out, so I worked at it, slowly. I woke up from the relief I felt when I had finally succeeded.

North

2009-02-09T00:11:00.001-08:00

I don’t really know why it is I find the North intriguing. There is the obvious personal preference reasons, like the colder weather. Anyone that knows me knows I like the ease of getting warm in the cold compared to cool in the heat. There is my love of overcast and rainy skies. But there is more to it than that.

I have a fascination with the Norsemen and Vikings. It almost seems as though they belonged to that world I love to escape into with fantasy books.

My cousin is moving North this week, to Washington. I had a friend who went to college in Washington. Whenever he came back he would talk about how nice it was to see the sun again. How sad the sky was to cry over the land for weeks or months at a time. This always sounded nice to me.

The fantasy book I am currently reading is by an author named Robin Hobb. The about the author at the end of the book says only that the author lives in Washington, nothing else. I’ve thought about being a writer. And I’ve thought even more about moving North.

Isolation

2009-02-01T23:40:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I feel oddly alone in the town I’ve always lived in. One would think this, of all places, would be where I know the most people. Perhaps that is still true, but I still know very few.

Its not as if I don’t know why this is so. I’m not the most social person in the world, and I spent all of my schooling since I was fourteen at locations twenty-five miles from my home. But since graduating in summer of 2005 I’ve only really met 7 or 8 people outside of my job. That is an average of like 2 people a year.

I am probably being melodramatic because one of those few people is moving at the end of the week. It is just all so sudden, and gets me thinking. Made me start thinking that perhaps I know so few people because of a subconscious desire for the small community life that no longer seems to exist. A more tribal time.

While thinking about these things I heard a news report about the Devadasis in India being a reason AIDS is such a problem in that country. All I could think about was how in the old days when communities were so much smaller the priestess’ jobs would service a very small community. This rapid spread of disease would be much less likely to happen because of that simple fact.

Perhaps humans were much more of a pack animal in the past. Small groups where everyone knew everyone. The loss of one was the pain of all.

Sores

2009-01-26T00:31:00.001-08:00

I was talking to one of my buddies about stuff. Don’t really remember much how it came up, but he has gotten his second cold sore in the last month or so. He talked about how he thought it was probably stress related but he didn’t feel stressed. It seems I am a guy worth talking to about life so we got to talking a bit. The biggest change in his life in resent time has been the acquisition of a girlfriend.

Now neither him nor I believe she is the reason, in fact we ended up deciding if anything is it stress stemming from money. Mental because of the stress he is going through with the very low amounts of money it feels like he has, and physical because to try and relieve this stress he is not eating as healthy as he is used to doing causing extra physical stress. However, one cannot completely discount the girlfriend change.

Yes it is a relief on a hard day’s night, or just as someone you can talk to about all the other stresses in your life, hopefully without fear that they will react negatively to such conversations. But it is also work, it is not one sided relief, sometimes the other must unload the stress onto you. Sometimes the person may seem more demanding, of time or affection or whatever, then you might feel able to give to them, or perhaps a fight of some kind happened. These are sure to produce added stress rather then relieving it.

All and all it probably breaks about even. So such sore times cannot spawn simply from that relationship. Though that is not to say the partner is never the feather that brings the tower crashing down.

Driving

2009-01-19T01:03:00.001-08:00

It is sometimes odd how the opportunity that exists to exercise my freedom is so neglected. The prime example being my driver’s license and access to a vehicle. The world is mine, I can get places when I want to. Yet most of the time it seems like I would rather not bother.

This metal box I drive around takes me to work, to school, to obligation. When I have free time, it seems like one of the last things I want to do is drive somewhere. Not because I don’t like driving either, I find it rather relaxing sometimes, but because having somewhere to go is just another way of having an obligation to get somewhere.

Sometimes I wonder if I would go places more with a newer car, perhaps one with better gas milage. Would I have more places to go? Would I have greater desire to go to those places? Driving without a destination turns into a waste of money right now. And in the end I always end up back at home, where my car lives. So why bother leaving?

Perhaps I can answer that some day.

Full Moons

2009-01-12T00:06:00.000-08:00

The week before school starts again is coming to a close. And stress is not what seems to be overtaking my mind like I’m sure it is doing to the minds of many others. It has seemed to be a stressful week for almost everyone I know, in some way or another. I haven’t felt it consciously, but I have been having trouble sleeping.

I have always felt like there are not enough hours in the day. Or at least I have felt that way for the last 8 or so years of my life. Remembering specific feelings is a hard thing to do for things that far in the past, except for those few intense events of course. Depending on the week, or maybe the month it seems like my existence requires a 26-30 hour day rather then the 24 allocated to me.

“8 hours of sleep should be sufficient,” they say, of course I seem to need somewhere between 9 and 11 to feel fully rested. And though my body starts to feel tired after 16 hours my brain doesn’t stop till its been awake for more like 18. I remember being in highschool and wondering if it was some kind of mild insomnia. But I don’t actually have trouble sleeping, if anything I have trouble waking up.

I’ve also found I have a harder time shutting off my brain around the time of the full moon every month, which happened to be this week. Now many people will say the moon has nothing to do with sleeping, and maybe that is generally true. However the moon does effect our earth, the tides for example, and I find it very hard to believe that something with such a strong effect on our planet can have no effect on us. Perhaps I will try to pay a little more attention to see if the people around me seem to be in more stressful situations around the full moons.

Which brings this rant full circle. I haven’t felt stressed out lately, but I think I must be. When I think back I find that in times of high stress I have had harder times sleeping. This is probably true of most people, I don’t feel odd in this way. But when I have trouble falling asleep, I have trouble waking up. This week, I have had lots of trouble waking up.

New Year's Resolutions

2009-01-05T01:22:00.000-08:00

I have decided on two resolutions this year. The first being to finish that half a bottle of vodka from my birthday last year before my birthday this year. The second being to do this right here. Write a blog and update it once a week minimum, before I goto bed on Sunday of every week.

As you can see I have titled it “Neil’s Mind.” This is of course because I am Neil, and this blog has no defined goal like my campaign journal did (you can still find that here). It is just going to be whatever I feel like writing about every week. Maybe it will be a movie review or about some game I played, or perhaps it will take a more serious philosophical tone sometime. We will just have to see what I feel like on a given week.

As for this week, I just need to get started. Make this thing, and I have.