Rain Dance

I woke up each morning feeling a gnawing cold in my gut. But I would get up, and as the day progressed my chest would get heavy so everything seemed laborious. By the evenings I would be worn away and lightheaded drifting around the house. My nights were sleepless while my body felt parched in ways I could not seem to satisfy. It wasn’t always like that, but I never seemed to think of the old days, when I was living. I spent at least two years like that, unlucky years. I would feel those pains my subconscious secreted into every moment. I needed something I had lost during my years in highschool. Something they had taught out of me. Samhain was nearing and I was convinced that I just wasn’t getting out enough. I reached out to try and change some of the things I knew I didn’t have. I had no job, no women or men, no connections.

I began looking for work as I reached out for friendships. All the people I rarely saw reached back, so increased my human contact. Then I reached for affection and found a woman, afraid connect. Just as Samhain hailed the new year she reached back towards me. I took the chance to bond, but found I needed something more. I continued my search for a job, and the rains began, I took no heed. Each day of rain that passed was another failed day at getting a job. I felt myself slipping back towards the unlucky years, my subconscious pressing uncomfortably through the days once more.

The sun was setting very early now, and I spent most of my days and nights staring into my computer’s glow. One dark evening I finally noticed the rain. I heard it dancing across the roof of my room, and chiming against the windows. I had a strange and strong desire to go outside and dance with it, like I did when I was young. I went to the threshold of the moist rhythms and removed my tethers to the indoors--my shirt, socks, pants, glasses, even my hair tie--stepping exposed into the storm. The drops were cold and hit my skin with surprising force. I walked out farther, to where I would have room to move my body, and let the music pound into my flesh. I closed my eyes and began to dance. I danced to the south, to the fire, and felt warm. I danced to the east, to the air, and felt lighter. I danced to the north, to the earth, and felt rooted. I danced to the west, to the water, and felt quenched. I felt connected to the world, like I did in the old days, once again.