Affirmation

Honesty. Sometimes people believe this is a good way to seem like an asshole, but I disagree. Honesty is something people should always strive to have, with themselves, and with others.

I was told today that I am admired because of my honesty. A thing that I have wondered about at times lately. Not that I have wondered if I have been dishonest with myself or others. but rather if it is really something I should always be striving towards.

I said something to a girlfriend once, and I wondered if it was really what I should have said. It was entirely honest. Of course I do not remember the exact words, but I told my then girlfriend that I was ready to break-up, that I had been for a while, and that I was only waiting for her to be ready as well. I told her I was only in the relationship at that point because I cared too much about her to pile a break-up on top of the already high stress levels she was operating under.

She cried. She cried and we continued to be in a relationship. An openly unhealthy one at that point.

Now, I do not regret what I said, especially not now. Though I wondered if it was what I should have said, I have come to conclude that it was. Though it made her cry to hear it, I believe it lead to a much cleaner cut than what could have happened. Had I kept all that inside, strived to keep the face of happiness on a relationship my heart was no longer in, let it eat away at me until I could stand it no more and let all the puss and bile destroy anything we might have still been able to cling to.

It was the right thing to say because it was the truth. And honesty is what keeps relationships, all kinds of relationships, from having that bad ending.

I was told that I was admired for my honesty today and I feel affirmed in my resolve. I live by honesty, for me and for mine.